My English professor said it's ok to write for ourselves and when we do we'll address ourselves as I as if we were an audience... but of one. So even if I sound self-involved say "I..I..." and "I" IT'S OK. She also said it was good to think on paper, rather than to just "think". Thinking is good, of course, but when you write down your thoughts it works the "writer's muscle" as I like to call it.
It's funny how even one good thing in your day can make every little bad thing from before seem like it never happened. I had another one of those solitude breakdowns earlier...this one was bad. There was heaving and multiple crying "sessions" (hahahaha) - it was just sad to see and go through. I even considered calling Bradley or Alex in the midst of my crying and just telling them everything I was feeling that day and that entire week, but I held myself back. Finally I managed to calm myself down and put on my Motley Crue t-shirt (that makes me feel like home *-*), grab my psychology book and cigarettes and have a little study session outside in the twilight. It was very relaxing and well needed, let me tell you that (I also learned how to [sort-of] blow smoke rings!). After the bugs got too out of hand, I made my way inside to the common room and started drawing chairs, the tv, the couch, whatever my eyes landed on, for my drawing class I have tomorrow. This girl in my hall who I've seen once or twice came in and was trying to make a phone call, but after she realized that wouldn't happen because of the shitty reception, we stuck up a conversation. I ended up going to her dorm and talking for a good two hours about where we came from, what we did, our boyfriends, our friends, the school in general and so many other things. It was nice to have a conversation with someone who was so open to meeting new people and putting herself our there for others. I needed someone to talk to and this was more than great.
I also skipped the opening celebration and went into town instead. There I got an avocado smoothie bubble tea (my god *-*), Chinese food (they put these delivery pamphlets on our doors today and I'd been craving it all day!), some art supplies (with Bradley's pencil expertise.... bless him) and also found an Urban Outfitters (how unexpected!).
So yeah, today turned out to be better than I expected.