Sunday, August 24, 2014


My Connections Group and I discussed The Reluctant Fundamentalist today; We discussed whether or not we resonated with the character or novel itself and what we did not fully comprehend while we read it. It was interesting to see that those few who admitted they did not resonate with the book - or fully grasp what it was going for - happened to be white and those who understood where the characters somewhat anti-American feelings came from tended to be of color or foreign (Nikita as a Russian and being strip-searched in various airports). Of course I'm not saying that if you are white that you can not comprehend the book, it was just an interesting observation that further emphasizes white privilege - as Megan, a white girl, pointed out. Later on in the night the author of the book himself, Mohsin Hamid, came to Goucher and gave a discussion and answered some questions about the book. His perspective was pretty interesting and said he intended the book to be open to interpretations by the readers.

I left pretty early because a wave of sadness washed over me. I sat outside in the calm night in hopes to find peace within myself - no luck. I showered and shaved in attempts to feel refreshed - no luck. My mother brought my guitar (and a few other things from home) earlier, so I began preparing a song to play at Open Mic next Thursday. The thing is the only song I can play pretty well at this point is I Wanna Be A Witch by Julia Brown (popularly covered by Teen Suicide [I prefer this version to be honest...]) and this song reminds me terribly of Bradley (which makes me miss him so much), but it also reminds me of Charli because it reminded HER (them?) of him as well, so it's this weird nostalgic guilt that flushes me and makes me even more dismal.

i wanna get high with you in my room
i want it to rain
i wanna stay in bed today
i will change my name
im counting down the weeks
until you come home
a miracle's gonna come save me
it's the only way
i wanna build a place in you
where i can be made new
i wanna sleep until it ends
i won't make new friends

I'm going to call it a night.

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